Doc’s Top Social Media Posts of 2017

  •  I’m getting sick of real life doing these gritty reboots of 80s movies where the bad guys win.
  • NEVER FORGET.
    bugstazkriskross
  •  The old Spider-Man theme song taught me how to dodge tough questions by turning confrontational and introducing irrelevant tangents.
    “Is he strong?”
    “LISTEN, BUD! He’s got radioactive blood!”
  •  Article about Bartolo Colón in paper has headline “COLON MAKING GUYS OVER 40 PROUD.”
    Was relieved it wasn’t about a new social media trend.
  • Screenshot 2018-04-25 at 3.19.19 AM
    I feel like doing ecstatic cartwheels because you can meticulously document your naps is doing laziness wrong.
  •  Walgreens rocks the “Weird Al’s version of this was better” playlist pretty hard.
  • Disney has finally added Rue McClanahan to the Hall of Presidents.Screenshot 2017-12-18 at 7.40.46 PM
  •  The Oompa Loompas were pretty judgmental for a bunch of creepy freaks who murder children.
  •  The Mt. Rushmore visitors’ center has a bust of Vince McMahon for some reason.
    Screenshot 2018-04-25 at 2.53.50 AM
  • Jeopardy! contestants ask Who and What, but they never ask Why.
    *bong toke*
  • ’80s Kid: Mom, I cut myself on the rusty jagged metal the playground is made of.
    Parent: What are you doing in the house? Here’s a dollar and a ninja sword. Go see some R-rated movies and come back in February.
  • Yo that shit be lookin like kmart shoes
    la-chargers-logo-20170112
  • Critic of Zack Snyder: Batman doesn’t murder people with guns.
    Snyder Defender: Actually, he did that fairly often in the 1940’s.
    Critic: He also called people “Japs” a lot.
    Defender: HE SHOULD STILL DO THAT TOO, I’M A TERRIBLE PERSON.
  • Blake Shelton kinda looks like Joe Scarborough’s unemployed brother.
    Screenshot 2018-04-25 at 2.43.50 AM.png
  •  The Nugenix commercial where the women say to Frank Thomas, “You were a ballplayer? We just know you from the Nugenix ads,” should end with Frank putting a gun in his mouth.
  • STAR WARS SPOILER: Snoke dresses like Goldmember.
  • Look, let’s just address the elephant in the room: Mike Pence’s wife is Ms. Swan from Mad TV.
    Screenshot 2018-04-25 at 2.47.06 AM
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