Doc’s Top 25 Tweets of Twenty Ten

Follow Doc Handsome on Twitter: @sovietdisco

  • Really?! Cast Zoe Saldana as a character who’s topless the whole movie, then replace her with CGI? Jim Cameron should get his dick revoked.
  • I hate going to bars at Happy Hour. I prefer Surly Hour.
  • I don’t vote, but I’m “fiscally conservative” and “socially liberal.” Which is fancy talk meaning I “can do math” and am “not an asshole.”
  • When someone describes a thing as “better than sex,” it’s a good bet they’re not doing sex right. Probably don’t have sex with that person.
  • I don’t need to be Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. I have a gun.
  • When will the airport full-body-scan technology be available in goggle form? Get on that shit, tech nerds. This is your calling; your dream.
  • Arizona is trying to get rid of all the Hispanics, and then they wonder why their baseball team sucks.
  • It takes more muscles to frown than smile. But either way, not a lot of muscles. So fuck it, frown away. I mean, damn, how lazy are you?!
  • If I had a nickel for every dead hooker in my crawlspace, I’d have 45 cents.
  • Blackface, in this day and age?!! Those birds in the Gulf of Mexico are fucking racists.
  • Hard work never killed anyone. Wait, hard work has killed millions of people. What was I thinking of? Oh yeah, pot. Pot never killed anyone.
  • I don’t think it’s even a good idea to beat a rented mule. I mean, don’t you want your deposit back?
  • Girlfriends of British comedians never like it in the ass. Because the delivery is always dry.
  • I put a “sperm donor” sticker on my driver’s license, so if I get into an accident, the paramedics will know it’s OK to jerk me off.
  • Julia Roberts claims that in a past life, she was a “peasant revolutionary.” Well, of course. In MY past life, I was a corrupt functionary.
  • If the nukes fall, and it’s up to me and 15 ladies to repopulate the Earth, I won’t bore them with tedious anecdotes about my vasectomy.
  • You catch more flies with horse shit than vinegar.
  • I dig “Another Brick in the Wall,” but if you’re using double negatives like that, maybe you DO need education.
  • Do competitive eaters get tested for performance-enhancing loneliness?
  • One son is a Doctor. One is a Sergeant. The other one was in Battlefield Earth. Thanksgiving must pretty much suck for Barry Pepper.
  • This girl I went out with the other night got pissed at me because I came in her hair. The maitre d’ didn’t seem too happy about it either.
  • Hey, remember jams? Those really long shorts from the 90s? Yeah, I remember jams too. That’s really all I got to say on that topic.
  • These are certainly confusing times we live in. I just wish I had paid more attention when Clarissa Explained It All.
  • My best quality: My gargantuan dong. My worst quality: The criminal underuse of same.
  • Sliced bread is overrated.

6 thoughts on “Doc’s Top 25 Tweets of Twenty Ten

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Doc’s Top 25 Tweets of Twenty Ten « Soviet Disco --

  2. It is a commonly held fallacy that Julia Roberts claimed that she was a “peasant revolutionary” in a past life. She actually admitted to “revolving pleasantly” while genitally impaled on a large root vegetable during the infamous “hypnosis” episode of “I’m a Celebrity – Embarrass the Fuck out of Me”. You must have been watching the Disney version.

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