Op-Ed: Just Gimme a Fuckin’ Chalupa

Editorial by Joseph Biden
Joe Biden, Vice-HNIC

Come on, honey. Why you gotta give me a hard time here? I’m hungry; I’ve got money; you’re selling tacos; what’s the problem? Just gimme the tacos! Shit!

So what if you’re not supposed to walk through the drive-thru? Big whoop. Let me in the restaurant then. That’s the part that should be open at bar time, anyway. Who the fuck that needs a gordita at three in the goddamn morning is in any shape to drive?! Nobody around here could pass a breathalyzer. Believe me, I asked around. No one could blow in the thing on my ignition, so I’m walking. For the love of Christ, just sell me chalupas!

Do you think I’d be standing out here if this wasn’t an emergency? It’s cold as balls out here, and I’m not wearing any shoes. Please, just give me some food, man! There’s tons of broken glass on the ground. There was a lot even before I got here. This sucks.

I didn’t want to say this, but I know the President. Yeah. Believe it, lady. Wait, what do you mean you’re calling the cops?  Oh shit, I’ve got warrants.

Fine, I’m leaving.  But you cocksuckers are fuckin’ BULLSHIT!!!  FUCK YOU!!!

When not casting tie-breaking votes in the Senate, Mr. Biden plays bass in Friend Who Heard It From a Friend, an REO Speedwagon tribute band.

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5 thoughts on “Op-Ed: Just Gimme a Fuckin’ Chalupa

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