New York, NY – Plans to erect a 30-foot bronze statue of recording artist Prince near the former site of the World Trade Center have drawn widespread criticism. Opponents claim the statue is disrespectful to the memory of 9/11 victims and “deeply sexually confusing.”
“It’s because of assless pants and funky, erotic jams like Prince’s that our loving God punished this nation,” said televangelist Pat Robertson. Robertson then added, “Man, nobody digs his music but him!”
Proponents of the statue have pointed out that there are over 2.6 million Prince fans living in this country as productive citizens, and that the statue will actually be further away from Ground Zero than pre-existing statues of Gregg Allman and Morrissey. Plus, why the fuck isn’t anything already built there yet?
Through a spokesman, the enigmatic Prince encouraged his critics to purify themselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.