My new hero, Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater, made headlines for the spectacular way he quit his job. (Short version: He got on the plane’s PA and told everyone to fuck themselves, grabbed a couple beers, slid down the inflatable emergency slide, and went home.) If nothing else, he should be immortalized in diversity training workshops as a lesson called, “Guess What, Homophobes! This Male Stewardess Is Fucking Awesomer Than You’ll Ever Hope To Be!”
But Slater isn’t the first guy to abandon his post in a kick-ass fashion. Here’s a few memorable past examples:
- 1974: Disgraced U.S. President Richard Nixon delivers his infamous “Nude Farewell” address.
- 1981-85: Singer David Lee Roth attempts to passive-aggressively undermine Van Halen by making their music fucking terrible; after several years of no one noticing that they’re terrible, he quits by fax.
- 1991: Paralegal Todd Alvarez expresses displeasure with his boss via the medium of turds. So, so many turds.
- 1994: Eager to leave the cast of NYPD Blue, actor David Caruso shoves producer Steven Bochco down a flight of stairs, then gravely intones, “Take this job… [dons designer sunglasses] … and shove it.” The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” then plays.
- 2003: White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer announces his resignation by cock-slapping Helen Thomas across the face and declaring, “Fleischer out, bitches!”
- 2006-2015: Dickish NFL legend Brett Favre jerks everybody around by contemplating retirement; retiring; un-retiring; and repeating the process until nobody cares anymore.
- 2008: Fry cook Pat Martin gets really, really baked and just doesn’t show up.