I Quit!

My new hero, Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater, made headlines for the spectacular way he quit his job. (Short version: He got on the plane’s PA and told everyone to fuck themselves, grabbed a couple beers, slid down the inflatable emergency slide, and went home.) If nothing else, he should be immortalized in diversity training workshops as a lesson called, “Guess What, Homophobes! This Male Stewardess Is Fucking Awesomer Than You’ll Ever Hope To Be!”

But Slater isn’t the first guy to abandon his post in a kick-ass fashion. Here’s a few memorable past examples:

  • 1974: Disgraced U.S. President Richard Nixon delivers his infamous “Nude Farewell” address.
  • 1981-85: Singer David Lee Roth attempts to passive-aggressively undermine Van Halen by making their music fucking terrible; after several years of no one noticing that they’re terrible, he quits by fax.
  • 1991: Paralegal Todd Alvarez expresses displeasure with his boss via the medium of turds. So, so many turds.
  • 1994: Eager to leave the cast of NYPD Blue, actor David Caruso shoves producer Steven Bochco down a flight of stairs, then gravely intones, “Take this job… [dons designer sunglasses] … and shove it.” The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” then plays.
  • 2003: White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer announces his resignation by cock-slapping Helen Thomas across the face and declaring, “Fleischer out, bitches!”
  • 2006-2015: Dickish NFL legend Brett Favre jerks everybody around by contemplating retirement; retiring; un-retiring; and repeating the process until nobody cares anymore.
  • 2008: Fry cook Pat Martin gets really, really baked and just doesn’t show up.

4 thoughts on “I Quit!

  1. Justin Bieber may surprise us yet.

    PS how about putting an RSS feed hook on this site so we can suck in our weekly dose of laffs the way that God intended? Email is so 20th Century.


    1. Are you kidding me? He learnt nothing under my supervision, the bloody alcoholic. He still doesn’t know what a blade of grass is, or anything about truth and beauty. Bloody eh.

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