Man Broke Forearm Masturbating, Says Funniest Motherfucker Ever

Umpire, AR – Geoff Green expected to draw some attention when he returned to work with a cast on his right forearm Monday. What he didn’t count on was his colleague Phil Bailey making comedy history with an extended riff on how Green had likely been harmed in an autoerotic mishap.

Bailey had already cemented his reputation in the office as this generation’s Oscar Wilde with his pithy observations that corpulent middle-manager Dwayne Albright probably hasn’t seen his own dick in a while, and that Janet from Marketing totally wants it up the ass. But it was Green’s forearm injury that truly gave Bailey his opportunity to shine.

“He must have made that same [jerking off]  joke fifteen different ways,” Green noted admiringly. “He even wrote ‘TAKE IT EASEY WITH THE KIDDY PORN, BUDDY!!!’ so large on my cast that there’s really no room left for my deaf sister to sign it. What a character.”

Green’s arm was actually broken by a flaming support beam that fell on him when the ceiling collapsed in the burning building he ran into in an attempt to save the life of an 8 year old girl he’d never met. The child did not survive.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Man Broke Forearm Masturbating, Says Funniest Motherfucker Ever

  1. Pingback: Dan Haren leaves Los Angeles Angels debut after liner to arm | Baseball

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s