Vancouver, British Columbia – When horrible pop-rock quartet Nickelback formed in 1995, naysayers claimed that their music sucked and they would never last. Now, 15 years later, the band is still going strong and sucking harder than ever.
“I guess we kind of got the last laugh,” said frontman Chad Kroeger. “When you suck as hard as we suck, for as long as we’ve sucked, eventually your sucky suckitude is bound to pay off.” He then added, “We really fucking suck.”
Nickelback’s decade-and-a-half streak of suckbaggedness is an inspiration to other suck-faced buckets of suck. “I can’t believe those guys are still sucking schwanz like that,” said IHOP day-shift manager Lou Bega. “I used to be a pretty big suckwad myself. Remember how bad ‘Mambo #5’ sucked? Yeah, but I can’t suck it like that any more. Nickelback sucks one on a whole other level.”
The members of the band say they have no plans to quit sucking any time soon. So expect Nickelback to remain a shit-sucking suckfest of suck-assed ballsuckery for many suck-filled years to come.