Murfreesboro, TN – Most observers agree that the guy Luke Baines saw at Shoney’s Friday morning probably wasn’t, in fact, widely-respected actor Brian Dennehy after all.
After drinking heavily Thursday night, Baines and his companions went to Shoney’s to indulge in greasy breakfast. Two tables away, Baines spotted a man bearing an uncanny resemblance to two-time Tony Award-winner Brian Dennehy, and began aggressively seeking an autograph. Despite the man’s repeated claims of, “I’m not Brian Dennehy,” and, “Please, just let me eat my eggs,” Baines became increasingly belligerent, demanding to know why dude was such a dick to Rambo.
Baines’ friends eventually calmed him down enough to sit quietly and eat his pancakes, unaware that Gary Busey had secretly jizzed in the batter. “That’s why rainbows only have one color in the Arctic,” said Busey. “If the squirrels get a hold of a mastodon, all the bomb shelters in the world won’t protect us.”