Op-Ed: NO on Prop. 14! Also, Lobo Would Kick Wolverine’s Ass

Editorial by Alison Smutney

Alison Smutney, Hipstress

Proposition 14, the so-called “Human Compassion Measure,” is expected to be unanimously approved by the city council on Tuesday. This would be unfortunate, as Prop. 14 represents the very worst of the cronyism and profligacy that is sadly endemic to our local institutions. And if you think Wolverine would stand a fucking chance against Lobo, you’re crazy.

Wolverine’s mutant healing factor is formidable, but he’s not immortal. Lobo, on the other hand, basically is. At the end of Lobo’s Back, Death was explicitly ordered never to collect The Main Man, because he beat the shit out of everyone in heaven and hell so badly they refused to ever take him back. He fucked up all the gods of every religion! Wolverine, by contrast, got punked out by Ian McKellen. And by the way, councilman Bob Galloway, where is this money supposed to come from?

There are dozens of public works projects we’d all like to see happen. But the fact remains, the township is in deficit spending already. To introduce this frivolous boondoggle now is reprehensible. And while Wolverine can recover from severe wounds quickly, he’d die if his brain or heart were cut out. Lobo has been chopped into tiny pieces, and literally sewn and stapled himself back together through sheer force of orneriness!

Mayor Burdon, councilman Galloway, councilwoman Jensen, and the rest seem to think that winning election ended their obligations to the people of this town. Much like some think that Wolverine winning a fanboy vote during the Marvel/DC crossover thing in the 90s meant he was actually a match for The Last Czarnian.

We’re all well aware of the financial difficulties facing your brother-in-law’s skee-ball resurfacing company, councilman Galloway. And now you introduce a measure allocating $14 million towards refurbishing the town’s “historic” Dave & Buster’s? If that’s a coincidence, then Wolverine could take Superman in a fistfight.

NOTE: Lobo has totally taken Superman in a fistfight.

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