Jimmyleg, SD – Local youngster Chad Phillips, age 7, expressed dissatisfaction with the plastic gewgaw included in his box of Froot Loops on Tuesday morning, noting that, “if a 50-cent vending machine gave me something this lame, I’d kick it over.” When Chad’s parents were out of the room, he added that the underwhelming toy surprise was “fucking bullshit.”
“What am I even supposed to do with this?” Chad wondered aloud about the cheaply-made Avatar keychain he discovered mid-breakfast. “I don’t even have any keys; I’m seven.”
Chad’s father, 33 year-old Bruce Phillips, only exacerbated his son’s discontent by relating tales of the rad crap that came with cereal back in the 80’s. “I got a pretty kick-ass raygun in a box of Quisp one time,” said the elder Phillips. “But they haven’t made Quisp for like 20 years, at least. Man, that stuff was delicious.”
Even less pleased was Chad’s younger brother Evan, whose Corn Pops prize was a 15-digit code he had to enter on the Kellogg’s website in order to learn that he gets nothing.