Rejected Punch-Out!!! Opponents

DID YOU KNOW?… Soda Popinski from the classic NES game Punch-Out!!! was originally named “Vodka Drunkenski” in the arcade version.  Nintendo changed it for the console because they didn’t want to be seen as promoting alcohol abuse.  Furthermore, several characters from the coin-op version were eliminated altogether when the game was released on the home system in the U.S.  Characters such as… 


Great Panther

 The Pakistani pugilist was excised from the U.S. version of the game because, to American eyes, he’s almost indistinguishable from Indian prizefighter Great Tiger. But if you get them mixed up, Holy Shit do they get pissed! 

FUN FACT: Both characters later appeared in the SNES game Brooklyn Cabbie Throwdown


Nintendo replaced Woody, the original first opponent, with Glass Joe after the Jewish-American Film Auteurs Who Fucked Their Underage Stepdaughters Anti-Defamation League (J.A.F.A.W.F.T.U.S.A.D.L.) threatened a boycott. 


  Boston Mike   The surly Southie was cut from the game because of his gratuitous usage of the expletives “fack” and “hahd-awn.” Also, George Steinbrenner paid Nintendo an undisclosed sum to silence his relentless Yankee-baiting taunts. 


Evil Mac
The Mirror Match concept run amok.  No matter what you did, this fight always ended in a split decision.  Even if you used a fucking Game Genie, Evil Mac had a Game Genie too!!!


Sodumb Hoosain
  When the game was released in 1987, the Reagan administration pressured Nintendo to eliminate this character, lest it offend one of our nation’s closest allies. 


Professor Invisibo
 Obviously, this one was just plain ridiculous.  But my cousin’s buddy’s brother knows a dude who says he beat the invisible guy once, and if you win, the game shows titties.  I’m not sure if I can vouch 100% for this source, though.

3 thoughts on “Rejected Punch-Out!!! Opponents

  1. Savior Self

    up up down down left right left right select start.

    Outstanding! Flawless Victory!

    Funny stuff, Doc. Why don’t you post this on myspace?

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