Op-Ed: Dunking a Volleyball Doesn’t Count

Editorial by Jeff Dagwood

Jeff Dagwood, Sandwich Artist

News flash, fucknuts: a volleyball isn’t used in the game of basketball.  So why the shit would that count as a dunk? That’s like saying you picked up a 7-10 split because you knocked the pins over with a Louisville Slugger.

Face facts, wiener-fiend: you lost the goddamn bet.

The truth is, you knew you were full of shit the whole time.  “I can totally still dunk, dude!”  Laughable.  You could barely do it in high school, which was eight years of sedentary, weight-gaining, chain-smoking faggotry ago.  Frankly, I’m amazed you did the volleyball, but the bet wasn’t if you could impress me.  It was if you could dunk.

And don’t give me that, “I said I could dunk a ball,” shit.  If being spherical was the only criterion, why not just use a golf ball, or a marble?  Christ, if you’re gonna be a cunt about it, follow your bullshit through to its logical conclusion, you nutless, ass-jamming queeftard.

Here’s the bottom line: was it bigger than a regulation NCAA Women’s basketball, or smaller?  Oh, smaller?  So, are you weaker than a lady?  Or what?!

You lost the bet fair and square, and you fucking know it.  So take that video of you lighting my ball hair on fire while I’m passed out off of YouTube.  Seriously.


One thought on “Op-Ed: Dunking a Volleyball Doesn’t Count

  1. But…but our bet is trivial when compared to setting fire to your ball hair and posting the video on YouTubies which has made so many millions happy and greatly enriched their pathetically unentertained miserable lil lives, you cock-gobbling sperm junkie!
    Besides, you never specified what KIND of fucking balls would be acceptable. Perhaps I should have just slam dunked yours instead.

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