Chevy Chase, MD – Local man Geoff Schams attended a screening of the James Cameron blockbuster Avatar while under the influence of psychedelic mushrooms on Thursday, fully expecting it to blow his fucking mind. Sadly, his fucking mind remained unblown.
“People who already saw it told me the story and shit was real dumb, but the visuals totally kicked ass,” Schams said. “So I figured, ‘Let’s eat some boomers and hit it up. It’ll probably be the tits.’”
Schams later disappointedly reported that, in terms of psilocybin-augmented cinema, Avatar couldn’t match Finding Nemo. “The only way Avatar was better than Nemo,” he noted, “was that nobody in the theater fucking stared at us [childless, drug-addled 25-year-old men] like we were pedophiles.”
Despite being heavily impaired by mind-bending hallucinogens, Schams found the film’s anti-imperialist subtext to be brutally unsubtle and obnoxious. “Yeah, yeah, America’s the real terrorists, blah blah blah. We fucking get it,” he griped. “Super edgy, Cameron. I guess I won’t vote for George W. Bush again next election after all oh fucking wait.”
After leaving the theater, the still-tripping-balls Schams went home, where he was incredibly entertained for the next four hours by playing Duck Hunt while listening to Ween.