Plymouth, MA – According to sources, a pleasant Thanksgiving get-together turned into a debacle when a guest infected the entire household with life-threatening illnesses.
Reports say that Englishman Samuel Smith, visiting America for the first time, was a carrier for numerous exotic European germs his hosts’ immune systems were unprepared to deal with.
“I pride myself on my hospitality, but Samuel totally took a dump on the whole celebration,” stated patriarch John Runningbear. “I knew it was a bad sign when he showed up with a bottle of whiskey as a gift. Doesn’t he know I’m an alcoholic?”
The awkwardness continued when Smith insisted on leading the whole table in a prayer before dinner, despite the fact that the Runningbears are not Christian. Throughout the rest of the evening, the unfailingly polite family struggled to ignore their guest’s boorish behavior and frequent offhand racist remarks.
“Wow, that guy was just an ass,” Susan Runningbear said later. “He was really taking advantage of our friendliness.”
At the end of the meal, Smith casually announced, “You know, this is a pretty nice place. I think I’ll just live here from now on. So, where are you guys going to stay?”