Abilene, KS – While enjoying a spirited round of pinball at Papa Joe’s Pizza Shack on Wednesday, area man Vince Haldeman, 34, admirably held back from physically assaulting a youngster who walked up and asked what the hell that gay machine was.
“What the fff… Really?!… Are you kidding me?!!” Haldeman sputtered. “This is Theatre of Magic, son, one of the greatest pinball games ever!!!”
The boy, 8-year-old Cody Brighton, expressed disbelief that anyone could derive entertainment value from such a clunky piece of equipment, adding that “It looks pretty shitty to me, man.” Brighton then popped his earbuds back in and walked away, with the tranny-pop stylings of Lady Gaga drowning out Haldeman’s frustrated growling.
“I’m not the kind of guy who’d ever hit a kid, but fuuuuuck…” Haldeman said. “I really wish this place sold scotch.”
Oblivious to the skull-denting he narrowly avoided, Cody returned to the tabletop Galaga machine he was eating his mozzarella sticks off of, and resumed texting his dumb little jerkoff friends about the Jonas Brothers or some shit.