Reno, NV – Amidst the global media hoopla surrounding the release of Twilight: New Moon, area woman Stacey Cromwell stated that she has no strong feelings about the film one way or the other.
“I don’t know, it looks like it might be OK,” Cromwell said. “All the guys at my work have been cracking really homophobic jokes about it, and saying it sucks total shit, but I don’t think they’ve even seen it. On the other hand, my niece has seen it twice already, and she can’t stop raving about how ‘totes amazing’ it is. But she also loves Josh Groban, so fuck, who knows?”
New Moon, the second film based on Stephenie Meyer’s bestselling series of Twilight novels, has become a worldwide phenomenon, inspiring Beatlemania-style outpourings of devotion from its rabid fan base. It has also drawn an enormous backlash from its equally-vocal detractors. Cromwell, however, remains on the fence.
“Those CGI dogs in the commercials look pretty cheesy,” she admitted, “but the guy in it is kinda cute. I never saw the first one, so I really have no idea what’s supposed to be going on. I don’t watch a lot of movies.”
Friends say that Cromwell hasn’t been this conflicted since the 2008 presidential debates, when “the black guy was pretty persuasive,” but “that old guy sure seemed to mean business.”