Ann Arbor, MI – Researchers at the University of Michigan have determined that every woman you’ve ever known is a filthy liar with a soul comprised entirely of hellfire.
According to Prof. Cole Denham, the author of the study, “The research is clear: bitches are completely full of shit.”
From your hateful ex-girlfriend who “just need[ed] some space,” to that chick you work with who’s “attracted to nice guys with a sense of humor,” yet fucks that creepy loser douchebag and will never, ever touch your penis, all human beings with vaginas are apparently incapable of honesty.
“It’s unclear whether female duplicity is inherent or learned,” Denham stated, “but the bottom line is that girls don’t tell the truth. Like, ever.”
Other parties constantly feeding you lines of total crap include advertisers, politicians, cops, your parents, your boss, Christ, and novelty greeting cards. The only people who ever give it to you straight are your drinking buddies. And they frequently call you a fag.