Hollywood, CA – In what numerous theologians are calling an unmistakable sign of the impending Biblical Apocalypse, paparazzi employed by reprehensible misery factory TMZ.com have been relentlessly shadowing irredeemable scumfuck parasite Perez Hilton.
TMZ boss Harvey Levin, risking the creation of a catastrophic interdimensional wormhole of unfathomable douchiness, justified the stalking on the grounds that “being famous for talking shit about people who are famous for being famous is the new Legit Famous. The People deserve to know what uninteresting bullshit Perez is up to when he’s not reporting on the uninteresting bullshit that other people you’re only vaguely aware of are up to.”
Complicating matters, the issue was discussed extensively on The View, clips of which were roundly mocked on The Soup. Wil Wheaton then opined about The Soup on his Twitter feed, leading to widespread internet message board debates about Wheaton’s tweets.
Nathan Rabin of The Onion A.V. Club, discussing the reaction to the Wheaton tweets, couldn’t decide whether it would be snarkier to dismiss the whole thing as “incestuous,” or to be all highbrow and make an Ouroboros reference. He eventually decided to just say “fuck” a bunch and quote the Wu-Tang Clan. After all, they ain’t nothin’ to fuck with.