Medicine Hat, Alberta – While drinking heavily Thursday night, local man Wes Schmidt developed a keen interest in an overweight (and over-served) female bar patron. His friends gave their tacit approval to the coupling.
Schmidt’s drinking buddies had engaged in a heated debate about whether to let him go home with the plump girl. But they ultimately voted to allow it to go down, on the grounds that:
1. She’s actually got a pretty decent face.
2. Wes needs some pussy, man. For real.
3. We can totally give him so much shit tomorrow.
After sharing a hearty laugh at Schmidt’s expense, his friends each went their separate ways. Brad and Dave both went home alone to jerk off, and Larry returned to his frigid live-in girlfriend, who vituperated him for his drunkenness and didn’t fuck him.