Austin, MN – The Hormel Corporation has issued a recall of all green ham sold in the Midwest in the past two weeks.
Hormel spokesman Sam Ayam said the sketchy meat is unlikely to cause anyone to become violently ill, but cautioned, “Try it and you may. Try it and you may, I say.”
The recall extended to all green ham sold on boats, with mice, on trains, in boxes, and in any and all situations that rhyme with those scenarios.
Numerous consumer watchdog groups have pointed out that fucking ham should never fucking be green to begin with, ideally.