Washington, D.C. – White House sources say the first action taken by President Obama’s controversial “Death Panel” was to mercifully pull the plug on CBS’s inexplicably long-running sitcom Two and a Half Men.
As a condition of the multibillion-dollar government bailout of CBS, the Obama Administration gained a de facto veto over the faltering Tiffany Network’s new fall schedule. As a warm-up to the “Logan’s Run”-style eradication of the aged and infirm guaranteed to happen under Obama’s new health care regime, the unfunny Charlie Sheen vehicle was given the axe.
“Six years is way too long to keep such a trite, limpdick failure of entertainment on life support,” said a Death Panelist who wished to remain anonymous. “I mean, nobody wants Ducky to be homeless again, but that fucking fat kid’s like 30 now. It‘s over.”
Another anonymous source confirmed that How I Met Your Mother was rescued from cancellation at the last minute because Bob Saget’s gentle narration is the only thing that can lull Joe Biden to sleep.