Obama Death Panel Euthanizes Two and a Half Men

Washington, D.C. – White House sources say the first action taken by President Obama’s controversial “Death Panel” was to mercifully pull the plug on CBS’s inexplicably long-running sitcom Two and a Half Men.

As a condition of the multibillion-dollar government bailout of CBS, the Obama Administration gained a de facto veto over the faltering Tiffany Network’s new fall schedule. As a warm-up to the “Logan’s Run”-style eradication of the aged and infirm guaranteed to happen under Obama’s new health care regime, the unfunny Charlie Sheen vehicle was given the axe.

“Six years is way too long to keep such a trite, limpdick failure of entertainment on life support,” said a Death Panelist who wished to remain anonymous. “I mean, nobody wants Ducky to be homeless again, but that fucking fat kid’s like 30 now. It‘s over.”

Another anonymous source confirmed that How I Met Your Mother was rescued from cancellation at the last minute because Bob Saget’s gentle narration is the only thing that can lull Joe Biden to sleep.

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12 thoughts on “Obama Death Panel Euthanizes Two and a Half Men

  1. Casey

    There is no stopping the poopiness of television… It’s like a big retarded Hydra; you cut one of its heads off, and two new, even retardeder heads take its place…..

    I’m pretty sure Jeff Probst is the immortal head. We must kill him.

  2. Jen

    I hope this isn’t a trend. I’ll have a lot less tv to bitch about if they cancel all the bullshit not funny sitcoms.

    Tiffany Network, as in ‘I think we’re alone now’. One can only hope! I would def hit a Tiffany mall concert, for reals. You know you would too!

  3. Death Panel? Really? I thought he was only trying out Enhanced Interrogation Techniques on all entertainment network presidents.

    Death panel you say…In that case kill Megan Wants A Millionaire..KILL IT WITH FIRE!

        1. Or..the Death panel could kill it, chop it up and generally mutilate it, stuff it in a suitcase and toss it in a dumpster, then make a quick getaway to Canada. Oh that’s right…that’s already been done.

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