Tyler Perry Timeline

December 14, 1968
Satan fornicates with a jackal.

September 14, 1969
Tyler Perry born in Louisiana.

February 25, 2005
Tyler Perry releases his debut film, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, to unexpected box-office success.

February 24, 2006
Tyler Perry’s film adaptation of his play Madea’s Family Reunion opens as the #1 movie in America.

June 6, 2007
Tyler Perry’s House of Payne debuts on TBS, shattering cable sitcom ratings records.  Tyler Perry signs an unprecedented 100-episode deal with the network.

May 8, 2009
Tyler Perry appears in the J.J. Abrams Star Trek movie, presuming to tell James Tiberius Motherfucking Kirk what’s what.

December 16, 2010
Tyler Perry becomes self-aware.

April 17, 2011
Tyler Perry attacks the G-20 summit in Brussels with his nightmarish ten-story Mecha-Madea, demolishing the entire nation of Belgium and killing the heads of state of most of the world’s major powers.

April 23, 2011
The United States, Russia, England, France, India, Pakistan, North Korea, Israel, and Iran simultaneously attack Tyler Perry with their combined nuclear arsenals, to no visible effect.  Having blown their collective load, the world’s governments have no choice but to surrender.

April 24, 2011
The United Nations issues a unanimous resolution condemning Israel for its use of nuclear weapons.

April 25, 2011
Tyler Perry assumes total control of World Government, declaring it “Very Funny.”

December 20, 2012
Tyler Perry releases Madea Eats a Turkey Sandwich in the Bathtub.  It garners an abysmal 4 percent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, angering Perry.

December 21, 2012
We all fucking die, just like the Mayans said.

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22 thoughts on “Tyler Perry Timeline

  1. Savior Self

    I saw that guy inyerviewed on the View on ABC. I wasn’t impressed. He’a big guy though and you have to respect his earning power. He’s like Will Smith on welfare in a church suit.

    1. Actually it’s the systematic thinning of polygons from a polygon object while minimizing the impact on appearance.

      Sheesh.

      And I’d like to minimize the appearance of Tyler Perry movies.

  2. i admire tyler perry for his control of his artistic product. he’s done things his way and is laughing all the way to the bank. people who diss him are jealous. so what if he doesn’t follow the expert’s notion of what a serious black writer should be…and oh my, he actually portrays religion in a positive light. perry’s been named as one of the smartest people in hollywood [believe he ranked #7] and he’s been named by forbes magazine as one of the likeliest young candidates in hollywood to become a billionaire. i have many, many black friends and just about all of them love his movies. i do too.

  3. You left out all the plays that he taped in the theater and released straight to video. Madea Goes to Jail was one of those.

    I was on a very long bus ride with a High School Band and some kid had every Tyler Perry movie and play ever video taped. He played them one after the other on the on-board video system until my brain poured into my sinuses and I snorted the oyster down my gullet.

    Ever since, whenever I see anything having to do with Tyler Perry, my nose begins to run. Excuse me, I need to wipe the snot off my keyboard now.

  4. This is an interesting theory. I still think that end times in 2012 will have something to do with Snow’s “Informer, Part 2” topping charts worldwide from January of 2010 through December of 2012.

  5. Clearly, Tyler Perry marks the extinction of humankind.

    Also, December 14, 1968 – Satan did not fornicate with a jackal. Satan doesn’t exist, and jackals are not indigenous species in North America. What you probably meant was that ‘Redd Foxx’ fornicated with a brown bear.

      1. Did I ever tell you about the time Redd Foxx was in my backyard trying to catch a gopher with his crutch? He started in with his “I’m coming, Elizabeth” fake heart attack routine shit he made famous on Sanford and Son, even going as far as collapsing on the ground, although that was not part of the usual schtick. However, this heart attack was real, and poor old Foxx never regained consciousness. He was 57, NO! 68 years old. Just remember that next time YOU’RE in my back yard trying to get that gopher……….Did ya get it yet?

            1. If I was immature enough to respond to these schoolyard taunts in kind, I’d compare a dick in YOUR mom to a canary in a coal mine. After the canary croaks from the toxicity, the fifty teamsters in line behind it bail. Also, your mom has a cavernous twat.

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