Biden Leaves Nuclear Football in Taxi

Washington, D.C. – Homeland Security’s threat advisory level was raised to Severe for nearly two hours on Saturday when the “Nuclear Football,” the satchel containing the launch codes for America’s nuclear arsenal, was temporarily misplaced by Vice President Joe Biden.

Fortunately, the Football was promptly returned by alert citizen David Sanchez, who discovered it in the back seat of a D.C. taxicab under a newspaper opened to a half-finished Junior Jumble.  Sanchez immediately recognized the nondescript briefcase as the “Missing Nuke Dealy” from the hastily-xeroxed flyers Biden had blanketed area telephone poles with.

He did it all by himself!

“Yeah, I should have kept better track of it,” Biden admitted, “but I was in a real rush.  You know, when that clock hits eleven, the croissan’wiches are done, period.  They don’t make exceptions, even for Vice Presidents.  Believe me.”

According to sources, Sanchez had to tactfully remind the Vice President at least two times about the advertised $25 reward before receiving it.


9 thoughts on “Biden Leaves Nuclear Football in Taxi

  1. Cheryl is a Buffarilla

    OMW This is funny as hell……anyone knowing Biden ..can see the funny in this….he really is a goof ball……I like him personally….he’s like the drama queen/king in DC…..this man talks first…thinks later….lmao…..25 bucks!!!!! belly laugh for sure!

  2. Melinda

    You know, if you turn the sound up on the TV when Biden’s on, you can hear the endless loop of the Barnum and Bailey theme that runs through his head.

  3. Somewhere a second-string NFL kicker who spent several seasons on the bench is wishing for just one moment with the Football, so he could punt it into the hands of a terrorist cell.

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